Why do these things happen? Why do two people fall in love and find each other and share so much and then fall apart?
Why is life belabouring me? I struggle on every front.
I always fight for things to be right and fair. It’s a question of principle. If he lacks respect to me I must say it and fight for him to understand that’s wrong. I was passive too often in my life and relationships, just accepting and letting go, I won’t be that anymore.
But I realized that at this point it’s useless. He’s not able to receive anything. Right now he’s in a state where he can’t accept and incorporate things coming from my side. He’s pretty lost and not doing so well, I realized.
I want to believe that he’s not mean. That’s just where he is right now. I got a bit scared and worried actually. It’s useless to keep fighting and feel uncomfortable. He has to understand all these things by himself.
I miss him, but not the him of now, not who he became. I miss the him who fell in love with me, the great him. I don’t recognize him and that’s so sad: discovering that the person who I knew best and was the closest and most intimate with me, is another person now. (And has no intention of having any kind of contact with me anymore)
I give pure unconditional love and I get punished by it. People get scared. Why nobody takes me? Why do they only let me down in return?