The idea of moving becomes a bigger and bigger topic inside me. I’m happy that I started talking about it. That we started talking about it. I’d like to find a good way and time to really address the topic.
It is a big thing, surely, to move (and to move for love); new city, new language, new people, new culture, new places. I would be leaving my comfort zone of a city I like and places I know and friends. But I think it can also be good. I really need a place to invest in, where I look for work and make friends, where I’m a “regular customer”, where I feel home and I want to go back to. And where I’m with him (just not to mention all the practical benefits from not being so far from each other).
I feel so homeless. In the past months I’ve just been either traveling for work or escaping from the place I live because I feel so unsettled and rejected. I need to go. The need of leaving to finally arrive somewhere again is becoming an urge. I’m investing in this idea (and in this relationship) like never before in my life. It is important for me. I don’t know when it happened but at some point it comfortably started feeling like the normal thing to do, the next step. It feels just right.
A couple of years ago I would have never imagined that I was going to learn swedish. Just another language, as if already working and living in two other foreign languages wasn’t enough for me. But now, as of april 2016, it seems fundamental and I feel so sad if I think that I’ll never master it (or that it would take years). I’m impatient lately.
I keep on hoping that all these efforts make sense.
I’m afraid of many things in this life, and now, in these next months of emptiness, I’m facing all of them. I could really use an existential talk, with great crying included. It is very helpful and quite liberating to talk about our fears. It is so great to talk together, it makes big things easily grabbable, it gives other perspectives.